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"You picked a fine time to hit me, Lucille" -- A Review of The Season Six Finale

Photo courtesy of AMC

Zombie Mondays

I’m convinced that the only to truly appreciate ‘The Walking Dead’ is to literally make a full time job out of it. In spite of literally giving your full and undivided attention to the present week’s episode, there’s no way to keep track of all the disparate storylines, subplots, romantic interests, and assorted whatnot. Hell, I have to watch an episode twice to write my stuff here. I watched the entire season 6 this weekend and I only know maybe 50 percent of what’s going on.

You know how like most shows have the main storyline, and another one on the side just to keep you from getting bored, switching off the TV, and picking up a book or learning math or something? The Walking Dead is just a mess. There’s Carol and Morgan’s story arc…then Glen, Maggie, and Daryl…Abraham and Sasha…Rick, Simon, Theodore, Blanka, Zangief, E. Honda, etc. Somehow it all just culminates in the characters being brought together in the end—just like at Terminus. Remember Terminus? The end of this was like that.

The main store tonight was Rick, Eugene, Abraham, and Glen trucking pregnant Maggie to a safe place to give birth. They run in a roadblock of this season’s bugaboos, the Saviors. They turn the motor home around, long story short, run into another Savior roadblock. They turnaround again and finally stop to think for a bit. Eugene, in a fit of self-sacrifice, decides to drive the motor home while the others carry Maggie cross country. Surprise! They get captured by Saviors! Even Eugene! That leaves Morgan and Carroll who, in their own little sub plot, have befriended a group of eighties-style BMX riders.

They promised us a 90-minute long season finale and, technically, they delivered. However, twenty minutes of that extra half hour was used up by the Savior leader’s--Negan’s--sophomoric and repetitive speechifying (including an ‘eeny-meeny-miny-moe’ extended version bit). Also, as promised, somebody dies at the meaty end of Negan’s barbed wire baseball bat (editor's note: it is named Lucille). Who dies? Well, turn in next season!

‘The Walking Dead’ has run its course. Between quickly-resolved story arcs, trite dialogue and repetitive situations there’s just not much left to hold this viewer’s attention. I’m looking forward to ‘Fear the Walking Dead.’ New writers, characters, and settings will hopefully breathe life into the franchise.

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