F*** Fox's Fantastic Four
The Fantastic Four. The start of the Marvel Age in the 1960s. The beginning of the Stan Lee Marvel era and the first mega hit family team series since Captain Marvel and the Marvel Family. A comic with such profound history and time honored greatness. So what the hell is Fox doing making such horribly bad movies?
I’m a comic geek, nerd, dweeb, whatever high school nickname I garnered throughout my youth. I’ve earned the badge well with thousands of books, movies and memorabilia to back up my statement. That being said, I try watch comic book based movies with an objective eye. Some movies know how to stray from the source material well (Man of Steel) while others essentially just want the backing of a name (Wanted).
For the life of me I still can’t understand what’s difficult about making these types of movies. You have the storyboard in your hands! All of the action in front of you! This isn’t rocket science. Get a good cast, a decent budget, and the rest of the work is done for you. No one is trying to tell you how to split the atom here, people.
But, I will explain certain things that will keep me from seeing this movie and why, I believe, you shouldn’t either:
Firstly, I don’t understand why they don’t want to use the source material. Granted, as someone trying to make a story of their own, you want to deviate somewhat to give a surprise not only to the general public but the fans as well. The source material has been around for 50 some odd years so they must have done something right. Not only that, but you’ll pull the fans in more! Y’know the over or underweight people that dish out thousands of dollars every single year at a comic store or convention.
Secondly, you’re taking beloved characters and changing their backstory to fit the modern era in the wrong way. Tony Stark being kidnapped and sent to the Middle East is a good example of changing things up to make it relatable. Having Lois Lane actually be an investigative reporter and finding out about Superman is making things modern in the right way. Making Dr. Doom an anti-social programmer named Victor Domashev and not a crazed dictator is a very bad example. Who is scared of something like that? That’s like calling myself the ultimate villain right now. Are you scared of me in any way? Dr. Doom is the basis for Darth Vader for Christ’s sake!
Thirdly, Marvel doesn’t even want anything to do with this movie. Honestly, I don’t think Fox does either but they didn’t want to give any rights back to Marvel just to hold onto another superhero property. You’d think they’d learn that they cannot make that movie after two failed attempts (although the Silver Surfer looked awesome, but that was counter-balanced with the Nimbus-Galactus). Marvel even went as far as cancelling the book altogether! The original MARVEL book is cancelled. Wow.
And now they want to try to fold the X-Men and Fantastic Four into a shared universe. Honestly, does anyone really want to see that? Was there ever a time someone said “I can’t wait to see Magneto and the Invisible Woman duke it out?” No. They only ever had a four issue event in comics against one another and that was in 1987. Sigh. Go home, Fox. You’re drunk.
So this is my rant as a nerd and man with a keyboard. Please understand that I don’t think the actors are bad or that the casting is particularly off, which it somewhat is (and no, I’m not talking about Michael B. Jordan), I just want people to understand why there’s an uproar. We have so many great movies coming out soon. This does not seem to be one of them. Please do not see this movie. Don’t give Fox the satisfaction.
I shall close with the pledge from our show (Um That Just Happened (shameless plug)):
I swear to Batman
And the Marvel Universe
That I will not watch Fantastic Four
And I will buy no merch
From which it spawns
Unless the follow
The source material
Or Kate Mara gets naked.